By SIMON LITTLEFIELD GEORGE POLES
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Extra resources for As a Dodo: The Obituaries You'd Really Like to See
This sofa will selfdestruct in five seconds! ’ In recent years, however, it became clear that the health of The Major Studio Deal was unwell. While Tom himself stuck to the task of promoting Scientology and acting weirdly on major chat shows, The Deal was often to be found desperately chasing after directors all over Hollywood in search of one more hit. Many saw its eventual decline as inevitable, especially those who sat through War of the Worlds. Tom Cruise’s Major Studio Deal passed away on Wednesday, leaving all its multi-million dollar fortune to a diminutive, wooden-faced actor, who expressed his deep emotion at the loss chiefly by alternating between staring silently and shouting maniacally at his fellow mourners.
51 BC–AD 2007 The reputation of Egypt’s Queen Cleopatra VII for beauty – a reputation burnished down the ages by such great writers as Lucan, Shakespeare and the authors of short-lived sci-fi show Cleopatra 2525 – has died, choked on a single Roman coin. Born in about 51 BC, following Cleopatra’s accession to the throne of Egypt at the age of 18, Cleopatra’s reputation for beauty was rapidly spread about the whole of the known world, chiefly by drunken sailors for most of whom the last sight of a female was ‘that dolphin off the coast of Asia Minor that was giving me the eye last week’.
47 AS A DODO Paul Burrell’s Link to Reality 1958–2006 Doctors at the St Diana Hospital for the Self-Deluded have confirmed that former Royal Butler Paul Burrell’s Link to Reality passed away this week. Although reports from the hospital remain unclear, it appears that The Link – which had been in poor health for many years – entered a coma early on Sunday after a brief, 17hour, chat with Mr Burrell himself about the former butler’s deep and abiding love for Diana, Princess of Wales, and how much he meant to her.
As a Dodo: The Obituaries You'd Really Like to See by SIMON LITTLEFIELD GEORGE POLES